Audi Q5 SUV

Audi Q5 SUV

If the Aughties, or the years after Y2K, are going to be known as anything it will be the era of the SUV what with its soaring rise and calamitous, flaming burnout (notice subtle allusion to the Ford Explorer). Nowadays, however we don't drive traditional body-on-frame, truck based SUVs because we want to save the Earth in our crossovers. Isn't that right?

Okay dummy, the fact that "crossovers" are based on car platforms only means they can't go off road and it sure as heck doesn't mean that they get any better fuel economy. That's right; crossovers are just there to make you feel better about yourself for buying yet another SUV. Think about next time you drive around the mall parking lot with your bitter shrew of a wife and pouty "Goth-Queen" teenage daughter who always sits in back reading "Twilight." You probably could have gotten a nice fun to drive sedan and been just as happy.

But what about the elevated driving position? I say that is all well and good until 75% of all the vehicles out on weekends are SUVs so no one in a regular car can see the stoplights in front of them. Now you must think I am a bumper sticker wearing member of Greenpeace or something to say all these horrible things about SUVs and Crossovers. But you'd be wrong.

I really like SUVs (I even one day dream of owning a pickup truck just because I want one not because I need one) and there are plenty of people such as new mothers who actually do need SUVs (have you seen how much stuff kids carry nowadays? My mom didn't even used to make us wear a seatbelt.)

In essence, the SUV has become the modern day station wagon. Just realize that, just as it happened with the old station wagon, your kids will never think an SUV is cool. Why? Because you drove one.

Range Rover: Is there anything this regal beast can't do? It works perfectly for meeting the Queen for tea as it does riding through the muddy jungles of Borneo. But even if all you use it for is driving back and forth to work, it is how the Range Rover makes you feel that makes it so special. Because sometimes you just want to roll open the windows and sunroof and do a Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic." Meaning? Hands outstretched, scream at top of your lungs, "I'm the King of the World!" The Range Rover: Truly the King of the SUV world.

BMW X5: This SUV from the Bavarian sports sedan maker (but built Stateside at BMW's North American Plant) drives so much like a car that you could easily see it ignoring other SUVs in the parking lot and telling them to "talk to the hand." Or maybe "talk to the wheel bearings!" This is easily the best handling SUV on the market, so much so that I think it follows the BMW ride and handling ethos pretty darn perfectly. Now, I get it. The X5 isn't an SUV. BMW reminds me that it is an SAV (Sports Activity Vehicle). Replacing "Utility" with "Activity" is sort of like saying you are "glowing" and not just "sweating like a pig."

Toyota 4Runner: It may not be the fastest or the sexiest but I have owned two of these SUV's and their reliability is borne out by how many 1991 models (the year I got my first one) are still on the road today. I really think the 4-Runner has been Toyota's only real "standout" design year after year during the last decade. And the 2010 model looks even better. Oh yeah, the interiors of 4Runner's might look plain but they are durable and will look exactly the same ten years later even after all that mud, muck, dirt and dog vomit it will have to suffer through.

Toyota RAV4: The RAV4 seems like the little brother that always wants to but can't tag along with big brother 4Runner or Daddy Land Cruiser because he wasn't designed to go off-road. But that doesn't mean they don't share the same DNA and bloodlines. This makes the CR-V a highly capable carry-all with a durable interior that could withstand way more than the slings and arrows of a busy Flower Market parking lot.

Honda CR-V: The CR-V is the go to if you want an inexpensive, durable family runabout. But then again, isn't the VW Golf just about as big, has similar trunk space and also has room for seven? (The 2010 Golf also out powers the CR-V and looks a million times cooler.) Apologies for the pro-car propaganda. I just don't understand buying an SUV with less cargo area than many subcompacts (I am talking to you VW Tijuana and Infiniti EX) (CR-V Base Price: $21,545, VW Golf Base Price: $17,490)

Nissan Murano: It looks like something out of Star Wars, intimidates other drivers and has plenty of room for five and all their stuff. Why would you buy an Explorer over this?

Chevy Trailblazer SS: Although this mad-house of burning rubber went out of production this year that doesn't mean that there aren't still plenty of non-tuner specials out there with warranties that haven't been disqualified due to backyard tinkering by hacks. Apparently people can pull some serious horsepower out of these puppies. This is the last of a dying breed. The last GM SS SUV with 391 horsepower and 395 pound feet of torque. In a few years that kind of fun will be illegal.

Audi Q5: This is easily the best looking of the "new wave" of crazy luxury SUVs. Whereas the first Lexus RX was probably its best design ever, the Q5 manages to express a cohesive whole. When I gaze upon the Q5 I don't see discordant shapes or odd angles. You know what I think? I think it kind of looks like an apple. A really cool apple. (Note: the fruit not the company)

Acura MDX: Do you need seven seats but will in no way sell your soul to a minivan dealer? Well, Honda has a clever answer for you. The MDX is much better looking than its twin at Honda, the Pilot. Swoopy lines, beautiful interior accommodations and the option of Acura's NAV/Audio System/Technogy upgrade. The sound system is so incredible you may go deaf but who cares when it sounds so good?

Ford Escape Hybrid: Although I think the interior of the Escape was possibly assembled by people either inebriated, blind or both, Ford really did a fine job of carving out its own niche with the Escape Hybrid. Able to run in full electric mode (something most other SUVs could not do) the Escape gets about 25-28 miles per gallon. Now if only Ford would work some of its recent Mojo on the interior and exterior styling. Pronto!